It’s been a month since I last posted something here. So many things have happened already – a lot of which I failed to put into writing (as usual) – like the end of my Primer-UTCI Marketing internship, the ARSA OrSem preparations and the big stressful event itself, and my about-to-conclude last first month of college.
I can only think of three reasons: (1) procrastination in writing – which leads to not being able to write at all, (2) not having a decent internet connection (because our friggin’ new dorm isn’t finished still), and (3) having so much work to juggle and to accomplish – academics, the dorm OrSem and my personal life, just to mention a few.

Good thing is, the OrSem – which took so much of my time, seriously – ended yesterday. Now I’ll have more time to do other stuff that I should’ve started (or finished) doing. Like this.

Bad thing is, now I can’t think of anything to write about (oh the irony, I know). I actually wrote this, just to be able to write after a long while – and since I have time to do so, too.

Oh, well. At least I was able to write something – even if this something doesn’t make much sense at all.

4:24 AM
At one of my two squatter-corners in my Primer work

As the great Jason G. has imparted with me (that the next best thing to do when your bored at work is to blog), I decided to open this wordpress of mine and freely write whatever comes to mind in the next hour (since the today’s work ends at 5:30ish).

* * *

Before anything else, I’d share the back story first on how I ended up deciding to do this…

Well, I got in at around 8:30 — which is quite impressive, given that I slept at around half past three last night because of a sudden DOTA-binging (tsk. tsk. tsk.) in the dorm — super late to bed + my notorious sleeping and waking habits explains why being able to go to work early is such a good thing for me.

Since I am usually one of the early birds in our floor, I was kind of taken aback when the elevator door opened and saw almost everyone present and already doing stuff. Then I remembered that the company’s having their annual sales rally which caused their day to start at 4 AM (ooh! just when I was about to sleep). This in turn caused their end of the day to be moved up to 1 PM — which is exactly the main reason why I was left more than three hours ago without anything to do; which in turn caused me to start doing this “free writing” (I was not left with nothing to do, actually. Ms. Funny assigned me some tasks, which I, the diligent on-the-job-trainee that I am, finished in no time).

* * *

So, what’ve I been up to in the past three hours?

[Thinks].

Aside from finishing my task in about half an hour, I have been surfing the internet for two things, mainly. First is posts about DOTA. I was intrigued last night when I learned from the great Squeky that some of the guys in our dorm use hero guides. Being the feeder/farming sucker that I am in the game, I tried searching for copies of the said guides and, not surprisingly, found thousands of them in no time. I tried reading some and I admit that some are interesting and helpful. But then I realized…

(around 30-minute pause here; the pretty but boyish Operations manager next corner and I had a little chat)

…that it’s kinda pathetic to go by the walk throughs and it’s better to just play by your own, using your creativity and knowledge of the game — where’s the fun in doing the former, right? So, I decided to drop the DOTA-guide-search and proceed to my usual Yahoo! surfing.

This is how I found out about Iron Man went ahead of Speed Racer to this week’s box office finish line by a mile — so much for the Wachowski brothers. (By the way, I was able to watch both last weekend, and they’re both excellent movies, to my common-movie-goer-eyes, that is). Though, both are equally cool pictures, I believe that Tony Stark prevailed because of him being Iron Man, a super hero, that is — there is something in super hero movies that people from all ages go crazy over watching them (well, except the stupid Superhero Movie, of course). Moreover, I think the Speed Racer, though it is awesome with its effects and all, simply failed to reach high expectations of viewers on the Wachowski’s being the Wachowski’s.

Anyway, after those two, now I’m looking forward to Edward Norton’s Incredible Hulk on June. Aside from the fact that it’s Norton — one of my few favorite Hollywood actors — who’s playing it, the trailers are really promising.

* * *

Time’s up! Yey! It’s almost 6 PM now. I can go home, at last! Thanks to the internet I managed reach the end of the day without dying of boredom (OA!).

 

9:17 PM
Alone in C205

Except for skipping breakfast and just eating Waffle Time on the way just to ensure not being late and for two or three paper cuts in my right after being asked to roll some 130 Bratpack and Jansport posters, I had a great day overall.

For one, I kept my word to myself that I won’t be a second late in my third day at work. In fact, I arrived like 20 minutes earlier than call time – which is indeed a pleasant surprise after stressing the whole time I was commuting from Katips to Quirino, dreading a consecutive tardiness. Even the fine-looking receptionist in the HR department welcomed my “being early” with her neat smile.

Then, after spending the whole morning rolling posters and getting multiple itchy cuts in two of my fingers, I had a superb time tinkering and successfully fixing the product gallery of the Bratpack website – it is nothing much really, but to a programming-ignorant, as in zilch programming knowledge, like me, it is such an achievement. Armed with my eagerness, patience, the Wikipedia, and some luck, I was actually able to make the site look so much better. Even my supervisor was impressed. But there’s still so much to be done, and those things are what I will focus on tomorrow. Hello to the programmer in me. *Laughs*

Another thing, I’m starting to connect with the office people now. This is probably one of the many things I most miss in my internship stint in Accenture – having good working and friendly relationships with the regulars. (Pero, palagay ko, ang pinakanami-miss ko pa rin sa Accenture ay iyong pantry – unlimited kape, hot chocolate, water, at juice of the hour. Dito kasi sa Primer, tubig lang ang meron. Hahaha!). I sure hope I get to build more and strengthen these friendships.

With all these, this day is the best so far. (What a contest, just three days! *Laughs*). I wish that this will be the trend of this internship experience – better and  better as the days go by.

12:20 PM
At the same eatery where I ate lunch yesterday, along Leon Guinto

Suddenly, I felt old.

Simply because of the fact that I’m currently eating an ampalaya dish – and am enjoying it.

The thing is, I never eat ampalaya other than my mother’s. It’s because I never really liked its bitter taste and only my Mom cooks it less sharp tasting for me. I remember one time years back that I even told my Mom that ampalaya is such a stupid vegetable – since it doesn’t, in any way, taste nice – and that having to eat it is kind of foolish as well. And back then, I thought that liking it is only possible to people who are up in years.

Look at me now! I’m eating the same thing I called foolish a long long time ago and actually enjoying it – preferring it better than the Beef Caldereta I also ordered for this lunch.

*Sigh* I feel old. So old.

*Laughs*

12:18 AM
At my (still messy) Cervini corner

In six or seven hours, I will have to get my sleepy ass up from the bed, do the necessary and usual morning ceremonies (like bathing and stuff), put on a smart casual attire, and travel by a trike and two trains to my internship work. Only a few hours to doing all those, and yet, I’m still up. I should have been snoozing like two hours ago, and yet, I’m still up.

There’s no particular reason to this, actually. I mean, not that there’s something bothering me or anything. It just seems that I just can’t sleep. (Well, this is why I decided to write. Pampaantok na lang, kumbaga).

I’ll probably be late again tomorrow because of this not-being-able-to-sleep problem of mine. I sure hope I don’t since two tardy records in my first three days would really look bad.

Anyway, I’ll go back trying to sleep now, since I’m starting to find it hard to think of what more to write. So, I’ll stop, (1) to avoid writing nonsense and (2) in the hope that this is my brain’s way of saying that it’s ready to doze off any time now.

Sweet dreams to me. Ta-ta!

P.S.
On “sweet dreams”: writing that made me think of her. Now part of me equates “sweet dreams” to dreaming about her, and part of me wants to think otherwise. (see earlier post if interested)

But I’ve gotta stop venturing this idea (her) for now. Or else, I’ll probably find it harder to sleep. Or I’ll start writing nonsense, hopeless rants again (and I don’t want that now). So, I’ll stop.

*Sigh!* Whatta pathetic life I’ve got.

I reported to my internship work late – 40 minutes late to be exact. And it’s just my second day. So much for making first impressions.

Anyway, in defense of myself, I was tardy not because I didn’t value punctuality. I was late because of two foolish mistakes I did. First is, my thinking automatically that since the company has a semi-flexi time – you could report starting from 8:30 AM to as late as 9:30 AM – policy, I could show up at the latest possible time, which is 9:30. Apparently, I don’t have the same privilege, since I’m just an intern – and that I have to report at 9 AM sharp. To make things worse, I didn’t even arrive at 9:30 – I got in like 10 minutes after – because of stupidity number two which is failing to synchronize my time on the company’s clock (mine was set in synch with the Ateneo class bell, which is about 10 minutes later than my internship company’s).

So, all in all, I was late by a whopping 40 minutes – on my second day! Good job, me. Just wonderful. Ulitin mo ulit, ha! Bukas ulit, ha! *Laughs at self*

But seriously, I don’t plan to be late again, EVER! Starting tomorrow! (Good luck! You wish, James. You sure wish!).

* * *

Still, just like yesterday, today was uneventful.

I have yet to do work that’s related to my original task since my supervisor – let’s call her the cute one from now on (obviously, kasi, cute siya. ) – has yet to assign me any task since she’s still waiting for something. So I would still have a productive time, she said, she’ll turn me over to another supervisor – which we call the funny one – for the mean time.

And there it was, I was passed to the funny supervisor whom asked me to help in their website – mainly uploading product pictures and fixing some stuff. Still, nothing connects to my course but what the heck, at least I’m doing something – something that’s not too easy nor too hard. (And the fact that it’s so much better than stamping a million coupons is enough a reason to just be grateful).

I did this the whole afternoon (and I have yet to finish. To be continued bukas!).

* * *

Then by past five, there was a sudden crash in our floor. Apparently, the almost half-inch-thick glass door got unhinged, fell to the floor and got smashed to tiny pieces. Freak incident that is. It’s a good thing I was asked by the funny supervisor to assist her on something at that time, or else, I would’ve been in the crash site since I was planning to go to the HR department floor.

Here’s the only picture of the scene I’ve managed to take, since I didn’t want the others to see me so interested in what happened.

1:58 AM
In a mosquito den somewhere in Sta. Cruz, Manila
 

Never did I imagine that my next entry would be about her. (For Pete’s sake, am I really this vulnerable when it comes to that one and only her? Shoot! I am just so damned.)

I have actually tried putting this off for a while now – I mean, trying to stop thinking (and dreaming) of that certain she all the time (and when I sleep) and actually writing about this bittersweet spot I am putting myself into. But, you see here, I am a total failure. For one, so far, every moment of my being alone since the time I saw her (which if my memory serves me right, was last Monday) had been spent thinking about her and of things relating to her. Moreover, it’s only Thursday night (well, Friday morning technically) – which is just four nights from the time I saw her – and I’ve already had two dreams including her – one wherein she only had a cameo role and the other in which she was the main star. (So basically, most of my day goes to none other but her – my sleeping hours and my most of my solitary waking ones; and when you’re doing nothing but bum while almost everyone around you are either taking their summer classes or working in an internship, there sure are more than plenty solo flight times).

This is why I decided to write about it, about her (”to succumb to it” is actually a phrase more appropriate).

Wait here, what is there to write?

That I am (still) pathetic (and probably, hopeless) when it comes to her? About how my whole world is being shaken by her again just after me seeing her unexpectedly after the longest time? That I’ve been in bed since 10pm trying to get some sleep and it’s now past two and I still can’t sleep and the time in between the times I have just mentioned I spent thinking about her? Drats! If those are what I will write, I will undoubtedly sound as the most pathetic guy in the whole wide world.

Hell. I think I actually am. Damn. I hope I get over this quick. Or hello again to my affair with sleepless nights and themed dreams. (Not that dreaming about her is totally bad. Well it isn’t. In fact, I kinda like it. The waking up part is the problem. Not that I don’t wanna wake up. But it’s the realizing that, time and again, it’s just another dream – nothing more, nothing less, and there’s nothing I can do about it)

Oh shoot! (yeah, shoot me now!)

 

P.S.

I’m having a feeling that I didn’t pretty much made sense in all that I have just said. But, what the hell! As my usual excuse to my very good friend to whom I share incoherent, nonsense chitchats from time to time in the wee hours of the morning: there is no problem in talking nonsensically and muddlingly at 2 or 3 in the morning because at this late, the brain is probably not working at a hundred percent.

1:40 AM

At (probably) the messiest corner in Cervini at the moment

 

Tonight, I have decided to start writing a journal again. I actually don’t have the fanciest idea on how to write something like this again – the last time was a little more than five years back, which I had decided to stop doing since my writing became a little too personal that I came to near paranoia that someone might find my DIY-(design-it-yourself)-National-Bookstore-big-notebook-journal and know so many of my skeletons in the closet. Then there also is my uncalled for self-consciousness and insecurity on my writing style, form, grammar, and the like that had been keeping me from being the writer that I was – or at least, I, and a few others, thought I was – years back. But hey, I thought to myself, what the hell! Undoubtedly, I will never be able to write again if I let pesky trivial fears like that keep me from doing so. And I have realized just now that I seriously miss making art – or at least something that is worth taking time to read – out of the simplest words in my limited vocabulary.

Come to think of it, I probably won’t be able to produce anything near artistic soon – my mind and hands are probably just too rusty after years of writing hiatus. But it’s fine. I plan to just write away anyway. I think, and hope, creativity will make friends with me again on the way.

Anyway, what to say on this first entry…

Well, I am actually kind of happy for I’ve finished, after almost a year of trying – long story why – reading a book again (The Class by Erich Segal, which is one of the reasons that lead me to this old hobby once more). 

I am also hopeful about the coming week for I have a feeling that there are many a good things and opportunities just waiting for me to discover. This feeling has actually no proof at all but, hey, that’s why it’s called a feeling, right?  To me, it’s just great to feel that way, after days, or even weeks of feeling the opposite. Moreover, this, I believe, is simply the best way to welcome a new week – being optimistic.

And starting on a positive note is probably the way to start writing again. I guess I’m on a right timing then. I hope this keeps on.