On positivity…

5:03 AM

Yesterday, March 31, was probably one of the best days in recent memory.

It was a day of great successes. First of all, just as planned days after, I met up, ate lunch, watched a movie and hung out for the whole afternoon with someone dear to me. Secondly, I was able to meet her Mom and Tito and do fine spending half an hour or so with them. Right after, I got a call from the HR of one of my two active job applications and was told that I got the job (which is a big big thing for me, since (1) I like the nature of work and the possible career it would give me and (2) there was only one opening and a LOT wasa considered for it). I also got to spend (free) dinner with some dorm friends. And lastly, talk to her again about how things turned out for the day–and as an icing to today’s cake, I was told that I made a really good first impression.

Now I think I’ve fallen a significant level deeper for her, because of all this chance to know one another and the people around. On the job-related topic, I now feel really flattered and proud for being the lone survivor in the said job application. I also got to catch up with old friends even for a quick while only. And got to smile so wide all night, as she talked about the comments of the Mom and the Tito.

However, just as how good and bad things tend to balance everytime, I realized now that I’m going to have a hard time deciding as I’ll be, possibly, torn choosing between two careers I both like in many ways. This will be a major decision in life and I’m not sure if I am mature enough to take it–sheesh, one decision that will definitely dictate what my life would be for the next 3-5 years, SCARY! Aside from that I was also able to fish out my status to her and find out how hard a road this would be for me really, given her current distrustful and on-guard state.

Anyway, just like what I realized in my recent Retreat, though things are so unsure and seem to be too negative, we should always try to be more excited in what life brings than being anxious about it. And that’s what I’ll do. I’ll just think and work really really hard on them.

Bahala na. Good luck to me.

On the possibility of change (especially when backed up by willingness and, uh, pressure)…

9:33 PM
My corner

I shall blog tonight, just for the heck of it. And since there is a big possibility that the dorm’s free internet will be cut tomorrow.

So, what to say…

Let’s start with my most recent topic, my academics–-specifically, my last semester in Ateneo as an undergrad student. Well, the first week went fine. So far, I have been able to put up with my personal expectations, and goals, for this semester. Not in every aspect, of course. But I believe I’m doing just fine–– great in fact.

Yes, I haven’t been back to my diligent student self before. I still spend awfully long hours in front of the computer either playing DOTA with the block boys or burning time procrastinating by just surfing the Internet, and many more–– but hey, change, positive change most especially, doesn’t come that easily, right? It won’t be there just by wanting it, however hard you do so. It’s formed by doing, by making it a habit, and habits just don’t get created by a week or two. So I’m not fretting. I know I can do this.

In fact, I believe I’m making humongous progress. To start things off, I’m actually waking up early almost every day. You see, throughout the years, I have created this bad sleeping, and worse waking up, habit. In the past semesters, I usually go to bed at around 3 or 4 in the morning and wake up just in time for me to take a quick bath and rush to my first class of the day (e.g. 11 AM for an 1130 History class)––causing me to skip breakfast, deny myself of proper preparations to the day’s schedule, and most of the time, be late in class. Weekends are worse. On a Sunday, you’ll usually find me sleeping until around 4 or 5 in the afternoon. What a slob, I know! That’s why I opted to change. And, proudly, I am succeeding–– I just hope I can sustain this and further the improvement more.

So, the sleeping and waking habits are already in check. The studying habits, well, I’m getting there. And the list goes on. I’ll get there. I know I can. This is kind of my last chance, so, I’ve no plans wasting it. I have faith in me.

Anyway though I originally planned to write more than this, I’ll have end this here for I shall respond to the rare urge to be the good student that I am. I’m feeling the need to read an assigned reading for a class tomorrow. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not cramming (for a change). I’m actually re-reading the thing, just to be sure that I fully understood it. Hahaha. Once in a blue moon positive urges like this should never be ignored.

So, ta-ta!

P.S.
Hello good friend, the significant other of my roommate. Welcome! Hahaha. )

On first and lasts…

11:20 PM
On my dorm bed

So, it’s the first class of the semester tomorrow, my last that is. I had never really put much value on first days of classes–and of any other thing, actually– since I had this thinking that first days are just like second days, third days, or any other days for that matter, so there’s no reason to consider it in any way special. But, as I was getting ready to sleep this early– or at least try to– for tomorrow, I realized that tomorrow’s first day is not just any other first day. It is the last first day of college classes for me. With this, tomorrow then is a big day.

Okay, I would try to be most honest here. Looking back at the past semesters, I can say that I have already had a great college experience. Yes, great. But it could have been greater. I could have been better. And I know and believe that it could still be greater and I could be better. However, with the reality that nothing lasts forever, this experience is nearing its end. And tomorrow is the start of that end. Tomorrow is the start of my last chance to fulfill this “college could be greater and I could be better” point of view. And that’s what I plan to do, to not waste any bit of this last chance.

Tomorrow, starting tomorrow, I will give my best in and get the best out of everything the last college semester throws at me. I am sure that I would not be able to let go of my faults– like procrastination, tardiness and many others– but I am sure that I would not let them get in my way. I am sure that this would be a hard task to do and actually fulfill but, hey, nothing in life is easy–if it is, then where is the thrill in it right?

Tomorrow is a fresh new start. I am both excited and apprehensive about tomorrow. I love this feeling. Though it is true that feelings are fickle and easy to go away, I would give my very best to hold on to this one as long as I could. I know I can do this. I believe in me. I shall look back and read this post in a couple of months smiling.

This is great!

Tomorrow, here I come!

On (broken) love and relationships…

1:40 PM
In the dorm

I just got off the phone with probably my best pal in high school.

Knowing his current state through our most recent conversation at home, and with his glum voice as he uttered his first few words, I knew exactly what he had to say. He and his girlfriend – which is also a good friend of mine – broke up.

Damn. I thought to myself.

Since the last time we talked, I had a slight feeling that this is coming. Though I really doubted it, knowing both of them. But it happened. And both my friend and I are still at sea as to why. I haven’t talk to her though, but I sure am planning to. I’m just looking for the right time. I also wonder though why she has yet to contact me about the matter. The thing is, I am usually the one she talks to when it comes to things like this. I wonder what the problem is. I hope I get to know it and get to help out in whatever way.

One thing is for sure though, I am dumbfounded by this news. You see, the two are both close and important to me. In fact, they are arguably my most favorite couple among my friends. In many ways, their near-to-three-year relationship made me believe in love, fidelity, trust and faith. And then now they broke apart. Sheesh! Good luck to my faith in love and relationships.

Anyway, I shall talk to them more these coming days. I hope things can still be fixed. Though I see it might be difficult, not only for them but for me as well. Since both of them are my good friends thus making it harder for me to be there for them without any tinge of subjectivity.

*Sigh at life and love*

On birthdays, my birthdays…

Wee!
It’s
my
20th
birthday
today.

I never really liked birthdays actually. Ever since I’ve went beyond my easy-to-please-childhood-years, I’ve developed a degree of dislike towards birthdays since to me they became a reason to be sad (as my days in the recent past had been spent just like any other ordinary day failing to live up to my expectation of them being special days). But this time, it feels totally different. I really have good vibes on the coming hours. I hope this goes on, not just throughout the day but for as long as I could keep it. I’m happy with this feeling of positivity. This feeling is just what I, and I’m sure all of us, need in this time of general hardships and difficulties.

Maybe this is another sign of improvement in my maturity in terms of looking at life and at the world. I really hope so. It’s my twentieth birthday anyway. It’s just about time.

There. I hope to blog more about this day later or on the coming days. And I hope the good vibes for the day don’t just remain to be just vibes but turn out to be wonderful realities.

Happy birthday to me!

On eating an ampalaya dish…

12:20 PM
At the same eatery where I ate lunch yesterday, along Leon Guinto

Suddenly, I felt old.

Simply because of the fact that I’m currently eating an ampalaya dish – and am enjoying it.

The thing is, I never eat ampalaya other than my mother’s. It’s because I never really liked its bitter taste and only my Mom cooks it less sharp tasting for me. I remember one time years back that I even told my Mom that ampalaya is such a stupid vegetable – since it doesn’t, in any way, taste nice – and that having to eat it is kind of foolish as well. And back then, I thought that liking it is only possible to people who are up in years.

Look at me now! I’m eating the same thing I called foolish a long long time ago and actually enjoying it – preferring it better than the Beef Caldereta I also ordered for this lunch.

*Sigh* I feel old. So old.

*Laughs*