On the possibility of change (especially when backed up by willingness and, uh, pressure)…

9:33 PM
My corner

I shall blog tonight, just for the heck of it. And since there is a big possibility that the dorm’s free internet will be cut tomorrow.

So, what to say…

Let’s start with my most recent topic, my academics–-specifically, my last semester in Ateneo as an undergrad student. Well, the first week went fine. So far, I have been able to put up with my personal expectations, and goals, for this semester. Not in every aspect, of course. But I believe I’m doing just fine–– great in fact.

Yes, I haven’t been back to my diligent student self before. I still spend awfully long hours in front of the computer either playing DOTA with the block boys or burning time procrastinating by just surfing the Internet, and many more–– but hey, change, positive change most especially, doesn’t come that easily, right? It won’t be there just by wanting it, however hard you do so. It’s formed by doing, by making it a habit, and habits just don’t get created by a week or two. So I’m not fretting. I know I can do this.

In fact, I believe I’m making humongous progress. To start things off, I’m actually waking up early almost every day. You see, throughout the years, I have created this bad sleeping, and worse waking up, habit. In the past semesters, I usually go to bed at around 3 or 4 in the morning and wake up just in time for me to take a quick bath and rush to my first class of the day (e.g. 11 AM for an 1130 History class)––causing me to skip breakfast, deny myself of proper preparations to the day’s schedule, and most of the time, be late in class. Weekends are worse. On a Sunday, you’ll usually find me sleeping until around 4 or 5 in the afternoon. What a slob, I know! That’s why I opted to change. And, proudly, I am succeeding–– I just hope I can sustain this and further the improvement more.

So, the sleeping and waking habits are already in check. The studying habits, well, I’m getting there. And the list goes on. I’ll get there. I know I can. This is kind of my last chance, so, I’ve no plans wasting it. I have faith in me.

Anyway though I originally planned to write more than this, I’ll have end this here for I shall respond to the rare urge to be the good student that I am. I’m feeling the need to read an assigned reading for a class tomorrow. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not cramming (for a change). I’m actually re-reading the thing, just to be sure that I fully understood it. Hahaha. Once in a blue moon positive urges like this should never be ignored.

So, ta-ta!

P.S.
Hello good friend, the significant other of my roommate. Welcome! Hahaha. )

On first and lasts…

11:20 PM
On my dorm bed

So, it’s the first class of the semester tomorrow, my last that is. I had never really put much value on first days of classes–and of any other thing, actually– since I had this thinking that first days are just like second days, third days, or any other days for that matter, so there’s no reason to consider it in any way special. But, as I was getting ready to sleep this early– or at least try to– for tomorrow, I realized that tomorrow’s first day is not just any other first day. It is the last first day of college classes for me. With this, tomorrow then is a big day.

Okay, I would try to be most honest here. Looking back at the past semesters, I can say that I have already had a great college experience. Yes, great. But it could have been greater. I could have been better. And I know and believe that it could still be greater and I could be better. However, with the reality that nothing lasts forever, this experience is nearing its end. And tomorrow is the start of that end. Tomorrow is the start of my last chance to fulfill this “college could be greater and I could be better” point of view. And that’s what I plan to do, to not waste any bit of this last chance.

Tomorrow, starting tomorrow, I will give my best in and get the best out of everything the last college semester throws at me. I am sure that I would not be able to let go of my faults– like procrastination, tardiness and many others– but I am sure that I would not let them get in my way. I am sure that this would be a hard task to do and actually fulfill but, hey, nothing in life is easy–if it is, then where is the thrill in it right?

Tomorrow is a fresh new start. I am both excited and apprehensive about tomorrow. I love this feeling. Though it is true that feelings are fickle and easy to go away, I would give my very best to hold on to this one as long as I could. I know I can do this. I believe in me. I shall look back and read this post in a couple of months smiling.

This is great!

Tomorrow, here I come!

On (broken) love and relationships…

1:40 PM
In the dorm

I just got off the phone with probably my best pal in high school.

Knowing his current state through our most recent conversation at home, and with his glum voice as he uttered his first few words, I knew exactly what he had to say. He and his girlfriend – which is also a good friend of mine – broke up.

Damn. I thought to myself.

Since the last time we talked, I had a slight feeling that this is coming. Though I really doubted it, knowing both of them. But it happened. And both my friend and I are still at sea as to why. I haven’t talk to her though, but I sure am planning to. I’m just looking for the right time. I also wonder though why she has yet to contact me about the matter. The thing is, I am usually the one she talks to when it comes to things like this. I wonder what the problem is. I hope I get to know it and get to help out in whatever way.

One thing is for sure though, I am dumbfounded by this news. You see, the two are both close and important to me. In fact, they are arguably my most favorite couple among my friends. In many ways, their near-to-three-year relationship made me believe in love, fidelity, trust and faith. And then now they broke apart. Sheesh! Good luck to my faith in love and relationships.

Anyway, I shall talk to them more these coming days. I hope things can still be fixed. Though I see it might be difficult, not only for them but for me as well. Since both of them are my good friends thus making it harder for me to be there for them without any tinge of subjectivity.

*Sigh at life and love*

On birthdays, my birthdays…

Wee!
It’s
my
20th
birthday
today.

I never really liked birthdays actually. Ever since I’ve went beyond my easy-to-please-childhood-years, I’ve developed a degree of dislike towards birthdays since to me they became a reason to be sad (as my days in the recent past had been spent just like any other ordinary day failing to live up to my expectation of them being special days). But this time, it feels totally different. I really have good vibes on the coming hours. I hope this goes on, not just throughout the day but for as long as I could keep it. I’m happy with this feeling of positivity. This feeling is just what I, and I’m sure all of us, need in this time of general hardships and difficulties.

Maybe this is another sign of improvement in my maturity in terms of looking at life and at the world. I really hope so. It’s my twentieth birthday anyway. It’s just about time.

There. I hope to blog more about this day later or on the coming days. And I hope the good vibes for the day don’t just remain to be just vibes but turn out to be wonderful realities.

Happy birthday to me!

On finding the time…

2:04 AM
In some dorm currently housing hundreds of Asians

It’s been almost four months since I wrote something here.

For some time now, I’ve actually been thinking of deleting this. I don’t get to write much in here and I certainly doubt that someone’s reading this (not that it matters; well, it does, a little bit, just a little; I mean, a comment or two doesn’t hurt, right?) anyway. In fact, I’ve already told a friend (whom I absolutely miss talking too; random, I know) when she asked me for this blog’s address, that I’ve decided to do away with this already, blah blah blah.

Anyway, so I ended up deciding otherwise. Deleting this would also mean giving up on trying to write again and I don’t want to quit any time soon. I’ve done enough quitting this year. I’ll try my best not to do the same on this one.

* * *

Four months. It saddens me that I failed to put into writing the things that have transpired through that period (Screw laziness!). Anyway, I’m not fretting. What is done is done. Now it’s time to find more time to write (I wish!).

* * *

So, onto the task at hand: updating.

I’m actually having a great week.

Most of my waking time last Sunday and Monday were spent with a good old friend, hanging out and catching up with each other’s lives.

Tuesday was a blast. The best so far. Aced my last exam for the semester.

Wednesday and Thursday was as great. Free rode on vacation, food and drinks. Got back a piece of me that I left a while back, got together with old friends and memories, and made new friends in the process. These immensely exceeded my expectations on how those two days would turn out. I actually had a great time.

Then later, I celebrate with the boys. Then the next day, either I’ll go on a date with my lovely sister or with a great friend. Then it’s home. Then, another week and, hopefully, another blog about it.

Great times. You gotta love it.

* * *

It kinda sucks that after having written this much (or this little, depends on how you look at it), I’m still not satisfied, thinking that I didn’t do justice to this updating. However, sleep’s already calling me. And this cannot be that bad, given the months that’ve passed not doing any of this. (Tsk tsk, excuses excuses).

Anyway, an update is an update. This is this. Let this be this way. Whatever.

On having the time…

It’s been a month since I last posted something here. So many things have happened already – a lot of which I failed to put into writing (as usual) – like the end of my Primer-UTCI Marketing internship, the ARSA OrSem preparations and the big stressful event itself, and my about-to-conclude last first month of college.
I can only think of three reasons: (1) procrastination in writing – which leads to not being able to write at all, (2) not having a decent internet connection (because our friggin’ new dorm isn’t finished still), and (3) having so much work to juggle and to accomplish – academics, the dorm OrSem and my personal life, just to mention a few.

Good thing is, the OrSem – which took so much of my time, seriously – ended yesterday. Now I’ll have more time to do other stuff that I should’ve started (or finished) doing. Like this.

Bad thing is, now I can’t think of anything to write about (oh the irony, I know). I actually wrote this, just to be able to write after a long while – and since I have time to do so, too.

Oh, well. At least I was able to write something – even if this something doesn’t make much sense at all.

On bumming at work…

4:24 AM
At one of my two squatter-corners in my Primer work

As the great Jason G. has imparted with me (that the next best thing to do when your bored at work is to blog), I decided to open this wordpress of mine and freely write whatever comes to mind in the next hour (since the today’s work ends at 5:30ish).

* * *

Before anything else, I’d share the back story first on how I ended up deciding to do this…

Well, I got in at around 8:30 — which is quite impressive, given that I slept at around half past three last night because of a sudden DOTA-binging (tsk. tsk. tsk.) in the dorm — super late to bed + my notorious sleeping and waking habits explains why being able to go to work early is such a good thing for me.

Since I am usually one of the early birds in our floor, I was kind of taken aback when the elevator door opened and saw almost everyone present and already doing stuff. Then I remembered that the company’s having their annual sales rally which caused their day to start at 4 AM (ooh! just when I was about to sleep). This in turn caused their end of the day to be moved up to 1 PM — which is exactly the main reason why I was left more than three hours ago without anything to do; which in turn caused me to start doing this “free writing” (I was not left with nothing to do, actually. Ms. Funny assigned me some tasks, which I, the diligent on-the-job-trainee that I am, finished in no time).

* * *

So, what’ve I been up to in the past three hours?

[Thinks].

Aside from finishing my task in about half an hour, I have been surfing the internet for two things, mainly. First is posts about DOTA. I was intrigued last night when I learned from the great Squeky that some of the guys in our dorm use hero guides. Being the feeder/farming sucker that I am in the game, I tried searching for copies of the said guides and, not surprisingly, found thousands of them in no time. I tried reading some and I admit that some are interesting and helpful. But then I realized…

(around 30-minute pause here; the pretty but boyish Operations manager next corner and I had a little chat)

…that it’s kinda pathetic to go by the walk throughs and it’s better to just play by your own, using your creativity and knowledge of the game — where’s the fun in doing the former, right? So, I decided to drop the DOTA-guide-search and proceed to my usual Yahoo! surfing.

This is how I found out about Iron Man went ahead of Speed Racer to this week’s box office finish line by a mile — so much for the Wachowski brothers. (By the way, I was able to watch both last weekend, and they’re both excellent movies, to my common-movie-goer-eyes, that is). Though, both are equally cool pictures, I believe that Tony Stark prevailed because of him being Iron Man, a super hero, that is — there is something in super hero movies that people from all ages go crazy over watching them (well, except the stupid Superhero Movie, of course). Moreover, I think the Speed Racer, though it is awesome with its effects and all, simply failed to reach high expectations of viewers on the Wachowski’s being the Wachowski’s.

Anyway, after those two, now I’m looking forward to Edward Norton’s Incredible Hulk on June. Aside from the fact that it’s Norton — one of my few favorite Hollywood actors — who’s playing it, the trailers are really promising.

* * *

Time’s up! Yey! It’s almost 6 PM now. I can go home, at last! Thanks to the internet I managed reach the end of the day without dying of boredom (OA!).

 

On not being late and on programming…

9:17 PM
Alone in C205

Except for skipping breakfast and just eating Waffle Time on the way just to ensure not being late and for two or three paper cuts in my right after being asked to roll some 130 Bratpack and Jansport posters, I had a great day overall.

For one, I kept my word to myself that I won’t be a second late in my third day at work. In fact, I arrived like 20 minutes earlier than call time – which is indeed a pleasant surprise after stressing the whole time I was commuting from Katips to Quirino, dreading a consecutive tardiness. Even the fine-looking receptionist in the HR department welcomed my “being early” with her neat smile.

Then, after spending the whole morning rolling posters and getting multiple itchy cuts in two of my fingers, I had a superb time tinkering and successfully fixing the product gallery of the Bratpack website – it is nothing much really, but to a programming-ignorant, as in zilch programming knowledge, like me, it is such an achievement. Armed with my eagerness, patience, the Wikipedia, and some luck, I was actually able to make the site look so much better. Even my supervisor was impressed. But there’s still so much to be done, and those things are what I will focus on tomorrow. Hello to the programmer in me. *Laughs*

Another thing, I’m starting to connect with the office people now. This is probably one of the many things I most miss in my internship stint in Accenture – having good working and friendly relationships with the regulars. (Pero, palagay ko, ang pinakanami-miss ko pa rin sa Accenture ay iyong pantry – unlimited kape, hot chocolate, water, at juice of the hour. Dito kasi sa Primer, tubig lang ang meron. Hahaha!). I sure hope I get to build more and strengthen these friendships.

With all these, this day is the best so far. (What a contest, just three days! *Laughs*). I wish that this will be the trend of this internship experience – better and  better as the days go by.

On eating an ampalaya dish…

12:20 PM
At the same eatery where I ate lunch yesterday, along Leon Guinto

Suddenly, I felt old.

Simply because of the fact that I’m currently eating an ampalaya dish – and am enjoying it.

The thing is, I never eat ampalaya other than my mother’s. It’s because I never really liked its bitter taste and only my Mom cooks it less sharp tasting for me. I remember one time years back that I even told my Mom that ampalaya is such a stupid vegetable – since it doesn’t, in any way, taste nice – and that having to eat it is kind of foolish as well. And back then, I thought that liking it is only possible to people who are up in years.

Look at me now! I’m eating the same thing I called foolish a long long time ago and actually enjoying it – preferring it better than the Beef Caldereta I also ordered for this lunch.

*Sigh* I feel old. So old.

*Laughs*

On not being able to sleep…

12:18 AM
At my (still messy) Cervini corner

In six or seven hours, I will have to get my sleepy ass up from the bed, do the necessary and usual morning ceremonies (like bathing and stuff), put on a smart casual attire, and travel by a trike and two trains to my internship work. Only a few hours to doing all those, and yet, I’m still up. I should have been snoozing like two hours ago, and yet, I’m still up.

There’s no particular reason to this, actually. I mean, not that there’s something bothering me or anything. It just seems that I just can’t sleep. (Well, this is why I decided to write. Pampaantok na lang, kumbaga).

I’ll probably be late again tomorrow because of this not-being-able-to-sleep problem of mine. I sure hope I don’t since two tardy records in my first three days would really look bad.

Anyway, I’ll go back trying to sleep now, since I’m starting to find it hard to think of what more to write. So, I’ll stop, (1) to avoid writing nonsense and (2) in the hope that this is my brain’s way of saying that it’s ready to doze off any time now.

Sweet dreams to me. Ta-ta!

P.S.
On “sweet dreams”: writing that made me think of her. Now part of me equates “sweet dreams” to dreaming about her, and part of me wants to think otherwise. (see earlier post if interested)

But I’ve gotta stop venturing this idea (her) for now. Or else, I’ll probably find it harder to sleep. Or I’ll start writing nonsense, hopeless rants again (and I don’t want that now). So, I’ll stop.

*Sigh!* Whatta pathetic life I’ve got.